just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Help. Why am I so naked?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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