Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
