Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
