Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
