i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
