in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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