I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
