I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
