we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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