Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im six kinds of drunk right now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Alive.
So much puke
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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