im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
