your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
