My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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