Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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