i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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