You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
