I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
