is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
