I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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