Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's the barista slut.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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