I wanna bring you to show and tell
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
