that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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