Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
