I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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