do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
