And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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