My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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