I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
