I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
