Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize