I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
