i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize