omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
