i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
