Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
