I wish my penis had an off switch
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
