she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
