I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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