ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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