the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
