I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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