people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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