the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
