I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
