the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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