I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
