I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Randomize
