i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
