She's JV to your varsity
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
