i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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