so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
