I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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