im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
