Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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