i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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