Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
