You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
