i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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