She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
