WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize