why do cheetos always look like penises
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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