operation harelip BJ is a go
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
