Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
