He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
