I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize