why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
