i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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