no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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