I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
