8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize