You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
