somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
