dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
