Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize