I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
