I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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