Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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