Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?

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(317): View more from Indiana

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

(1-317): View more from Indiana

He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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(585): View more from New York

And I feel bad.

(716): View more from New York

Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?

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(707): View more from California

Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.

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(289): View more from Ontario

If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him

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(407): View more from Florida

Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.

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