Is it because I queefed?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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