Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize